The Great Internal Communications Moment

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Internal Communications is at last having its moment. The Coronavirus pandemic is re-ordering so much of how we work and our economy.  It's causing many organizations to re-think old ideas about face time and remote work, many rooted in bias. And it's causing most, if not all, organizations to prioritize internal communications now more than ever. 

Without people and employees, most organizations would not exist, and internal comms is moving now to front and center as a key driver of business and strategy.

In every conversation I've had with leaders and communications professionals in the last month, they are all spending almost all of their time on internal communications -- devoting more time and more resources to it, and realizing just how important it is for leaders to communicate with their people effectively, and some even now, finally focusing on it for the first time.

What makes good internal communications? 

It's clear messages and effective channels, and it requires leaders being visible and communicating daily, being as transparent as possible and maintaining multiple ways for employees to connect and share their experiences. 

Messages, media and messenger -- and it's all about empathy and connection.

Really this is about effective listening and focusing less on pushing out a message or a platitude, and more about making sure people feel acknowledged, heard, and cared for.  It's a two-way conversation, not an internal marketing campaign. Internal comms is not just internal PR.

This moment also means the great internal comms re-awakening is happening now, and all organizations need to be ready.

How each organization does this is unique to the specific organization, people, and culture. I like to think about three internal comms truths related to leaders, tools, and people.

Three key internal comms truths

FIRST: Leadership communication has never been more important.  I work with countless leaders across industry on communicating effectively in their capacity as a leader, and in every situation a few truths stand out: 

  • They work at it and put effort into it, and prioritize it.  It's something we can all get better at and requires practice.

  • They communicate like normal, reasonable people and like themselves. Pretending to be something they are not or putting on a facade, especially in a time of crisis never works because they've made it more about themselves than about connecting with their audience, who need reassurance and clear information more than ever.

  • They remind people that we are all on the same team, and they demonstrate and understanding of feelings and emotions of their people, and in so doing, they motivate them.

  • They are direct. They set clear expectations and share hard facts, they prepared people for what to expect, recognizing they might be hard, but don't bury or paper over facts and information.  

I think of San Francisco Mayor London Breed and New York Governor Andrew Cuomo as great examples here.  Communicating with their constituents is a master class in how to do internal comms well, simply viewed externally.  Both of these leaders communicate facts and understanding of feelings and empathy at the same time, regularly and often. They just multiple channels to get key information out.  And they set expectations early and often for what people can expect.

SECOND: Use new tools and new ways of working to empower everyone to get better at communicating.  Zoom, slack, Workplace by Facebook and all sorts of other internal comms tools are great at helping us cut through corporate-speak, platitudes and jargon and dispensing with presentation and formality.  If you want to put people first, it means cutting through jargon or spin and getting directly to people. How you use these tools effectively depends on mastering tools and behavior.  Use all the functionality of these tools well, set up the right channels -- AND be clear about telling people how you want them to use those tools.  

THIRD: People matter above all else.  Internal communications is really the very essence of communications in its purest form -- the root of the word "communicate" is to commune, to connect, to come together.  The best internal communications - and what this moment and reordering of the way we work requires -- means adopting an attitude that the people you're communicating with matter, are colleagues, and so you treat them with respect, openness and integrity.  

Specifically, this means being clear about sharing information, setting expectations, sharing what you know and what you don’t, the reasoning behind decisions, and giving people multiple opportunities to share their reactions, feelings, ask questions, to feel heard.

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Internal comms is at last moving from a step-child or ancillary part of a communications or human resources function to a necessary and strategic part of how organizations are successful in the future. The best companies prioritize it and marry it with external communications, and the best leaders prioritize it too. 

Find Your Power, Turn on Your Light in the Darkness

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"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

-- Albus Dumbledore, "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban"


This week may be especially challenging and dark for many of us, globally.  Stress, especially when sustained, directly affects your immune system. Stress manifests in different ways for all of us, and we cope in different ways, especially when we feel like things are out of our control.

And, dark times lead to important insights and power we maybe didn't even know we had. I love the quote from Harry Potter above because it reminds us that, especially when things seem hard or out of our control, we do have the power to find happiness if we can remember to turn on the light. 

Especially now, how you turn on the light -- how you manage and reduce stress, how you take care of yourself and the teams you work with, is really important.

Last week I shared my Self-Care Checklist for Everybody with some categories I think about to make sure I'm caring for myself.  

Broadening this out beyond you -- how you care for the teams you lead and the people in your orbit is really important.  

Four Ways to Find Your Power and Light The Way for Others
(1) Be hyper conscious of how people act and engage on video conference. Many of us are spending hours a day on Zoom or something like it. Ask people to minimize distractions and ask for full participation. Make sure to reach out individually in a separate chat or conversation to people who seem withdrawn or agitated. Now is the time to be more sensitive to the nuance of how people engage and communicate. Here are some tips on managing Zoom and tips on video conference etiquette for everybody.  

(2) Over communicate. Especially if you have to share bad news, as many of us are right now. Make sure you are sharing early and often what you know, what you don't, what your motivations are behind a decision, and communicate key points often and regularly. People are more distracted than ever and have a lot on their minds right now, so don't take for granted that you were heard the first time. Above all, communicate empathy and understanding.  Here are five tips on how to communicate in the time of Coronavirus.

(3) Find and shine the light. Use this as an opportunity to find new ways to lead, draw out creativity, re-think and re-position. Ask questions. Build in more brainstorming opportunity. Provide more creative thinking space for your teams. AND -- don't miss the opportunity to shine a light on others. A small amount of praise and recognition and engaging your people as culture leaders means you keep people interested, committed and motivated. 

(4) Find and use support. There's only so much you can do on your own or glean from inspirational quotes and LinkedIn articles as a leader in hard moments.  We are all in this together, and we all need help. We all need people to lean on and bounce ideas off of, to re-think and re-imagine plans for the future -- especially now.

I'm offering special coaching sessions for individuals and groups.
Coaching is about turning on the light in the darkness. In these sessions we will:

  • Generate healthy habits

  • Provide clarity, structure and direction;

  • Create a structured way to reflect and re-assess what is really essential in your life; and

  • Develop a plan for the future.

This is invaluable work for all of us.  And all of this, whether individually or through team-building together, can be done virtually.

Now through the pandemic, I'm offering special coaching packages and sessions on a sliding scale for two categories of people:

  1. Small business owners, self-employed individuals, and any employee of a company working through a hard time finding your way in this new world of shelter-in-place working.

  2. Medical and health care providers and first responders.

If you or someone you know is interested, please reach out to me directly.  I am here to help, especially to support those who need and want support the most.

Three resources I appreciate this week:


Don't let fear and darkness prevent your light and capacity for leadership shining. The world needs you. In doing the very thing that is so hard right now, you are doing something for the greater good. 

Self Care Checklist for Everybody

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The start of the new week may be met by many of us with a sense of anxiety or dread as we settle into this new normal for what looks to be an extended period of time. Now more than ever it's important to prioritize taking care of yourself and those closest to you. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

So, I'm writing to share the model for how I think about self-care for myself and that I use with coaching clients.  I hope it will be useful to you. As I shared in a video today on this model, it's important to take care of yourself now so that you can help take care of others in your life and be the best kind of leader.

This moment is offering us a unique opportunity, even if it's one we didn't want or ask for, to take stock of where we're spending most of our energy, what's true and important, and on finding new ways to support ourselves, our teams and our families.  

Those who do this well and exemplify it for others will set themselves apart as the best leaders in the new future we create once this is behind us.

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I think of taking care of myself along six broad dimensions:

  • Sleep

  • Diet and nutrition

  • Fitness and Movement

  • Connection with Family and Friends

  • Joy, delight, fun

  • Spiritual sustenance, emotional wellbeing

This list is a short check list that I use to check in with myself every day. The goal isn't to find perfect, even balance among each of these each day.  It's a reminder to check in on what's most important to me, realizing that some days I need a little more, but depriving myself of one of two for too long means I'm not really taking care of myself.

Rather than tell you what you need to do within each of these categories, now is a good time for you to think about how you're taking care of yourself in each of these dimensions. Carving out time in your day, building regular habits and rituals helps make this easier and more sustainable.

One quick note on emotions: we don't like talking about them, especially at work.  We don't like to grieve or talk about it.  We aren't used to doing it.  But now more than ever it's important to let yourself feel how you feel, and in so doing, you build empathy for others - who are also experiencing their own emotions and ups and downs.

This new world is hard for many because it's up ended our way of living and working, because health is something that hits home personally for each and every one of us, and because many are in a state of financial peril.

All of that brings with it a whole host of emotions and fears, mourning a potential future that may no longer be and anxiety around how to simply make it through tomorrow.

Taking care of yourself along all six dimensions means you're able to show up as a leader, a manager, and a partner or friend in the best way possible. In a courageous, grounded way.  In a way that's empathetic, connected, but not consumed by all the negative voices and fears.

Now is also the time to realize that fear and anxiety comes to the surface in so many different ways for many people, and so we think about ways to be there for people even if their fears show up in ways that we find confusing or distasteful.

We show up with more patience for those, many who may be afraid of their ability to pay their rent, to keep their families safe, or for their own health, or for their own future of work.  
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Three great resources I love right now that may help if you want to dive into this more: 

  • Brené Brown's new podcast, Unlocking Us. Her latest episode on comparative suffering and empathy is a must listen for any leader. 

  • That Discomfort You're Feeling is Grief by Scott Berinato, in the Harvard Business Review. Great piece on something most of us are feeling right now and how important it is not to ignore it in yourself and others.

  • One of my favorite ways of thinking about a full adult life in all dimensions is Frederic Hudson's The Adult Years, especially Ch. 2.  The six dimensions along which all adults build a sense of identity through life and work: personal identity, achievement or work, intimacy, play and creativity, search for meaning, and compassion and contribution. 


Take care of yourself and others. I am offering special discounted coaching packages now for anyone looking to get some coaching support and find clarity during this time of change. 

Please reach out to me and I'm happy to help.

Manage Your Online Tools to Manage Your Anxiety

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The last week of social isolation and work from home has meant an explosion of time spent online, especially using video conference tools like ZOOM and social media.  

These tools are great for keeping connected whether it be for working remotely, group yoga classes, staying connected with friends and family, and getting news and information.  I use zoom a lot for my coaching work and for the online yoga classes I’m teaching currently.

At the same time -- these tools can also create problems, especially when you don't control your own usage well, and with unfortunate bad actors looking to create problems.

Take these few easy steps to make sure you're using Zoom and social media in a way that keeps your anxiety down and keeps your productivity and connectedness up:

FOR ZOOM:

  1. Set it up right. If you're hosting, make sure everybody has the meeting ID ready and easy. You don't need a new one for every meeting.  If you're concerned about a sensitive population joining (i.e. kids) or you're discussing sensitive information, consider adding a password that participants need to join.

  2. Disable "join before host" so that nobody, whether invited or not, can create problems or cause trouble before you're on.

  3. Enable "co-host" to assign others to help you moderate. This is especially important for larger meetings or fitness classes, when you might not be able to monitor the in-zoom chat or all participant interactions.

  4. Disable "file transfer" to prevent any digital virus sharing.

  5. Disable "allow removed participants to rejoin" so that booted participants can't re-join. 

  6. Follow best practices for video conferencing etiquette. Make sure you’re aware of your surroundings, and consider muting your audio when not speaking, but keeping your video on.

FOR SOCIAL MEDIA:

The irony of social media is that during times of isolation and social distancing, we are relying on them more to stay connected, whether purposefully or out of habit, when multiple studies have shown that increased social media usage causes increased isolation.  So, a few tips to help manage social media for health:

  1. Monitor and manage the amount of time you spend scrolling and engaging.  Set time limits for yourself (i.e. 5 mins max every hour, or no phone time before breakfast or after 8pm).  

  2. Have detox periods or social media breaks.  Use the breaks between to do something else that's good for you and helps you feel better.  Exercise, go for a walk, get some fresh air, call someone or talk by video in person rather than just via text.  

  3. Notice -- and then choose -- the type of content that makes you feel good and makes you feel anxious. A good question to ask is, "Why?"  Why am I doing what I'm doing, or following who I'm following?  Why might this person be sharing this content?   If following the Insta stories of your exes or certain friends triggers you, unfollow or mute. Same with public figures.  Same with politicians. 

  4. Choose what type of content you want to create.  Based on your habits of noticing, from a place of choice rather than just habit, think about what you're putting into the world. Is it constructive?  Is it to get attention or is it to contribute in some way?  

  5. Limit consumption of the news.  The news is more or less the same, and you don't keep to keep up on every "breaking news"update as it happens.  Set aside one or two times a day when you can keep up on what's happening, and do so with trusted news sources.  You don’t need to follow a million news sources or pundits — they are posting to get attention as much as a public service. Instead, pick a few and stick with those. I’m happy to suggest some. Facebook has a useful Corona Virus (COVID-19) Information Center you can join that collects all relevant info.

  6. Spring Cleaning.  Lots of us are at home these days, and it's spring time, so spring cleaning might be a good use of some downtime. Cleaning out a closet, getting rid of accumulated stuff is good.  Same with social media.  Over time, many of us collect people and accounts we follow that may not actually serve us well in the long run. Some of it might now be infuriating, frustrating, or just uninteresting. Unfollow, delete, cut back. And you can then either leave it trimmed down, or you can replace some of it with people and content you find more inspirational, awe-inspiring, and positive.  It might sound corny, but trust me -- the more positive, inspirational content you allow into your life, even unconsciously consumed via social media, the calmer and happier you'll feel and the better your interactions with others will be. 

Keep connected, stay inside, take care of yourself and others. This is hard for everybody, but we are all in this together and will come out of this together.

I’m here for you anytime if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Tips for Effectively Working from Home

Remote work, whether voluntary or required, is becoming increasingly common in light of the spread of the coronavirus outbreak. Whether you're compromised yourself or acting out of an abundance of caution, if you're not used to working from home it can be a big adjustment and hard to keep things on track.  

It can be lonely and challenging to keep focused, and hard to keep the ball moving. The good news is more and more organizations allow it and increasingly the modern workforce is good at remote and flexible work. So make it work well for you.

Every person and every organization has different needs and requirements for working remotely, and you should check with your manager about what is expected of you -- and be clear if you lead teams about what your expectations are. (See last week's post on effective communication during the Corona virus crisis).  

Here are some tips to help you and your teams work effectively from home.

TIME MANAGEMENT

One of the biggest challenges of working from home is the motivation to get up and get working. 

  • Your Day. Treat working remotely like you would going to an office. Wake up at a regular time, take a shower and get dressed like you would going to an office. Aim to be at your work space at a regular time each day.

  • Your Calendar. Be disciplined about your calendar. Set regular check in meetings, set regular blocks of time dedicated to work. Set a regular time for breaks and for lunch. As much as possible keep to a regular work schedule.

  • Your Breaks. Set times for breaks. This is really important because at an office most of the time your day is broken up for you and requires you moving from one meeting to another. Set a timer or a reminder to get up and walk around, stretch, get some fresh air, and take a break.

  • Your Sanity. Limit the time you spend doing other things -- like laundry, checking social media, doing errands, reading the news. Without regular structure and consistent use of that structure, it's too easy to lose track of time and feel like you're behind -- or to become unmotivated.

  • Your Goals. Set goals for each day and check in at the end of each day about how you progressed on them. More than ever, working at home requires self-discpline, so small tools like a daily check in with yourself help keep you honest and keep you on track.

WORKSPACE AND TOOLS MANAGEMENT

  • Space. Find and keep a comfortable, regular place where you do your work -- ideally that isn't also where you sleep. Don't just do your work from bed or your sofa all day. Find a desk or a table where you can sit up and keep your energy up and keep focused. Keeping your work separate from your personal life is important to your long term sanity and keeping a positive frame of mind about your work and whatever you do in your bedroom.

  • Computer. Depending on the type of work you do, this may require a computer set up where you can have conversations over the phone or video. Invest in the tech set up that can help keep you comfortable, or check with your company about options to set you up for comfort.  

  • Video Conference Experience. Get good at video conferencing. Basic video conference etiquette is about making sure other people can hear you and see you as well as possible and ensuring everyone has a chance to participate. Be aware that even if you're not speaking you are on camera and people can see what you're doing. Make sure everyone has the links you use for your video conferencing platform of choice. 

  • Check out these best practices for video conferencing etiquette.

  • Phone. Pick up the phone. Use the phone to have conversations whenever possible instead of relying on email and chat. Keep it charged.

  • Collaborative Tools. Get good at using collaborative working tools like Zoom, Google docs, Workplace, Slack, WhatsApp and other tools. Align with your team on which one or ones you'll use and be good about checking them regularly. Create a team chat channel or conversation. Use them more, and use them as a replacement for the conversations you'd have in person. 

  • Patience. A lot of technology works far better in an office than remotely, especially when use of secure servers are required, and when most homes have different internet speeds. Be patient and be clear about setting expectations. If internet speeds are slow, consider using audio only. A lot of remote work means work may slow down. Consider how you use the downtime to maybe reflect and do something you otherwise wouldn't do to make your work better.

EXPECTATIONS MANAGEMENT

Speaking of expectations, be clear about setting yours for yourself and for your teams.

  • Collaboration Expectation. Will you have more regular check-in meetings with your teams? Who is in charge of setting them up, running the meeting and ensuring participation? Are the meetings set at a time that accounts for people working in different time zones?

  • Work Product Expectation. Go through an exercise of explicitly identifying what goals and work has changed and what stays the same. A lot of work in an office is collaborative, and requires in person connection. Go through an exercise of thinking about what might need to change and what the key outcomes are that you and your team want to align on. Use this as a good opportunity to re-engage with your manager about your overall work, career growth, and what your expectations are and theirs for you.

  • Personal Expectation. Less in person connection does not have to mean less productivity and less sharing. Be active in thinking about what your work requires and creative in thinking about work arounds. Most of us spend a lot of time in meetings we don't actually need to be in. And many of those meetings can be done virtually anyway.  

  • Get a Buddy. Have a buddy who checks in on you regularly, and you can check in with. This isn't for a 30-min gab fest on the new Beyonce album. But it's to check in to see how you're doing, keep yourself motivated and stave off a feeling of loneliness. Your buddy can be a coworker or a friend.  

Video Conference Etiquette for Everybody

An increasing amount of work is done remotely, and requires connecting by video. Whether because teams are increasingly distributed, travel is limited or companies require remote work, getting good at video conference etiquette ensures you’ll be set up for success.

PREPARE

Before the meeting:

  • Make sure all meeting participants have the meeting invitation link and materials in advance of the meeting. Know who the moderator is and make sure multiple people can moderate or rotate.

  • Make sure your presentation is ready to show. Test it before you start the call.

  • If your presentation is visually dense or contains video, consider distributing it to participants in advance.

  • Be prepared to leverage good meeting practices, such as sending an agenda in advance, identifying a person to lead the meeting and keep time and take notes, and sending out follow up notes after the meeting.

During the meeting room:

  • If you are the remote site on a video conference, be in as quiet a space as possible with no or minimal background noise.

  • Sign in and get set up early to allow time to troubleshoot and resolve any potential issues with equipment.

  • Make sure everyone has their cameras on whenever possible. This provides a more complete interactive experience for the meeting.

  • If you are connecting from a laptop, try to plug in to wall power, because battery use can affect video quality.

  • Consider setting up a back channel for communication to the other site(s), such as Slack,WhatsApp or email. This allows for communication without interrupting the discussion. Many video platforms have built in chat functionality participants can use.

  • Close all blinds and doors to cut down on potential glare. Interior lighting should not be too dark or too bright. Normally, the settings used in a traditional work environment are adequate.

  • Adjust the camera angle or seating position to ensure you are on camera

Communicate effectively

When you begin the meeting:

  • Once all attendees are present, take a minute to check audio. Making a quick round of introductions is an effective way to do this. Introductions break the ice and ensure that everyone can hear each other properly. 

  • If you plan to record the meeting, notify all participants at the beginning of the meeting.

  • Always remember and acknowledge when there are remote participants. Reach out to them periodically to see if they have a question or something to contribute. Having remote participants on video, versus audio only, ensures that you remember they are in the meeting. Remote participants should not be an afterthought.

During the meeting:

  • When not speaking, make sure your audio is muted. This will prevent inadvertent noises, such as coughs, rattling papers, or chair squeaks, from interrupting others.

  • Try not to shuffle papers or cover the microphones.

  • Speak clearly and in a normal voice. There is no need to shout.

  • When videoconferencing with many sites, start your comment or question by stating your name. This helps other sites identify who is speaking.

  • As with any meeting, limit side conversations and multitasking.

  • Leverage online collaboration tools like Google Drive to take notes, share content, and collaborate real-time. This enables all participants to interact, versus using a physical whiteboard or other physical visuals only available in the primary conference room.

  • Tell others if you leave the video conference early.

Minimize body movements

  • Avoid quick movements, which make it difficult for cameras and microphones to keep up with you. Quick movements may appear jumpy or choppy to others on the call.

  • Maintain eye contact with the camera and stay engaged in the meeting.

  • Do not turn your back to the camera.

Work effectively with video conferencing technology

  • When you ask a question or request information, allow time for slightly delayed responses because the system may experience slight transmission delays.

  • Direct your questions to a specific individual.

  • When possible, avoid interrupting others as they are speaking. Many video ​conferencing systems have a voice-activated switching feature to automatically move the camera to the active speaker. Interrupting another speaker may confuse the voice activation.

  • Establish an understanding among participants of when and how to interrupt. For example, have people raise hands or otherwise signal that they want to speak.

  • Consider posting pending questions via chat.

  • Make it safe to call out participants on poor meeting etiquette.

Thanks to Stanford University for some of these tips and tricks.

5 Ways to Communicate about Coronavirus for Your Business

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The Covid-19 virus outbreak is an important moment for businesses to communicate clearly with their employees and customers about what to do, what to expect, and to separate fact from fiction. Crises like this create an important opportunity to show care and concern for employees while practicing being open and transparent. Lots of businesses are struggling with what to do and say, to cut through the panic and confusing narratives. 

Here are 5 best practices you and your business can use in communicating clearly about the corona virus:

  1. Communicate Quickly and Regularly. The sooner you say something, even if it's that you have imperfect information or haven't developed fully-baked plans, the less likely others will fill the void for you and the better you can control both the narrative and the overall feeling of trust. Best to think: "What would a reasonable person say here?"

    This allows you to control the narrative and be seen as honest and empathetic. Events are unfolding rapidly and the more you communicate regularly -- and tell people when and where they can expect to receive regular updates - the better.

    I recommend a daily update, even if there's not a ton of news to report, to build confidence and comfort among your people that you're on top of things. Consider having regular updates that share your current understanding of what's happening and what people can expect, as well as static, clear resources that share company policies on remote work, sick leave, medical services, etc.

  2. Don't assume more information leads to more informed people.  More isn't always better. There's so much information flying around, that being consistent about your key messages is really important. Key messages should include what you want people to do and what you as a business are doing and what people can expect from you. Separating facts from commentary is important. Be as factual and information-driven as possible. Be wary of citing too many experts and commentary.

  3. Be clear about what you want people to do and what you are doing. Be direct about precautions you want people to take, what your work from home policies are, what restrictions you are putting in place around travel or big gatherings -- and why. Be direct and honest about how you anticipate the crisis affecting your business, even if it's that you don't know for sure. Better to state what you think and expect than to let the narrative be written for you by others, or let the rumor mill drive your story.  

  4. Refine and restate your understanding of what's happening and what you're doing. Too often in large organizations, especially during times of crisis, an early narrative gets solidified and limits our ability to see more broadly and change as situations evolve. A best practice here is to say something like "Our best current understanding is..." and to revisit daily before your daily update. 

  5. Be calm and clear. The tone of all your communications matters a lot -- and it should be steady, calming, and not focused on panic. You can be honest but keeping people calm and clear-headed is an important aspect of leadership communication, so that people can get the information they need. 

Often panic arises from lack of complete or clear information, so make sure that all leaders are equipped with the relevant information and regular updates and employees are equipped with facts and know where to go to ask questions and get relevant information. 

What should all employees do?

  • Wash your hands regularly and often. This means with hot water and soap for at least 20 seconds. Use alcohol-based hand sanitizer often.

  • Avoid touching your face. We all touch our faces far more often than we realize. Especially after interacting with people, shaking hands, sharing pens and keyboards.

  • If you start to feel sick, do not go to work. Like with any illness, if you're sick, stay home and don't risk exposing your co-workers to your illness. Check in with your health care provider early.

  • Consider postponing large events and gatherings and consider limiting unnecessary travel.

Turning Toxic Into Healthy: Rules of the Social Media Road (part 1)

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“If you’re always trying to be normal, you’ll never know how amazing you can be.”

— Maya Angelou

Can you remember what your life was like, how you used to work, without a phone or without Facebook, Twitter or Instagram? 

It’s worth remembering that most of these tools and platforms have proliferated only within the last ten years, transforming the ways we work, live and love. Especially as we are at the start of a new year, a new decade, and within two weeks of the start of the next presidential election cycle, it’s worth taking a few minutes to talk stock of how you use social media, its effect on you and how you work and live.

For most of us, it’s increasingly a cause of stress, depression and anxiety in ways we don’t always fully appreciate. From comparing ourselves to others to trying to keep up, from consuming information that’s questionably accurate at best to looking for confirmation of our most outraged reactions, it’s transforming slowly, subtly, how we interact and communicate, and we don’t really have any clear rules of the road. It’s like driving a car without a license.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.  You don’t have drop social media entirely to reclaim your life and ability to communicate with confidence.

Over the next two weeks, I’ll be sharing some thoughts on how we can take control over our use of social media, and provide a few guardrails for us to use as we hit the road in 2020. This week I’ll share some thoughts on consuming social media content to make it less stressful and toxic. Next week I’ll share thought on producing social media content.

The first thing to remember about social media in general is that no one is forcing you to use any of these platforms. They are a powerful means for sharing, communicating, connecting, finding inspiration, and learning, as well as intimidating, shaming, bullying – but not the ONLY means.

Social media isn’t, and was never, meant to be a replacement for real connection and real conversations.  Interpreting a “like” or a photo as a full, accurate representation of a person’s life is easy to do, but isn’t what friendships and real connections are about.

So how do we—individually, in all parts of our lives—have a better relationship with social media tools in a way that helps us communicate and connect with each other better, rather than be­coming more estranged from each other, and the tools themselves?

It begins from the premise that social media are communication tools—not replace­ments for communication.

Do you use social media as a tool for talking about yourself or for connecting with people, places, or topics?

Is it about presentation or connection?

Do you use social media as a tool for talking about yourself or for connecting with people, places, or topics? Is it about presentation or connection?

Do you interpret people’s reactions or likes to your own content with the same weight as you do an in-person connection or verbal message?

We have come too often to rely on social media doing the work of interacting and connecting for us – when really we should be working with it to help us interact and connect.  

Collectively we have become far more passive in our approach, relying on these tools, swiping, liking, and scrolling without really using them how they are meant to – to enrich and develop meaningful connection in real life.

To understand how to use and consume social media as an effective communication tool, we have to think about it this way: social media amplifies how we already are.

Social media platforms have given a voice to those who might have had one or know how to use their voice before – and in so doing have amplified who we already are – the insecurities, the likes and dislikes, the good and the bad.

It’s worth taking a beat to think about about you as both a social media consumer and as a producer. So much of our use of social media has become habit that we don’t even realize what or how we’re using it.

Whether you like it or not, most of us consume some form of information and connection thought some form of social media.

What accounts do you follow? Whom do you respect and admire? What excites you on social media? What makes you feel good? What really bothers you, makes you feel insecure, or makes you roll your eyes?

If engaging in a respectful political discussion on Facebook excites you, do it. If it stresses you out, don’t. Similarly, if following pages devoted to hilarious cat videos makes you happy, have at it. But if following tons of LA supermodels or people who do nothing but travel while you’re hard at work amplifies your insecurities, don’t follow or engage with those accounts. It is completely up to you how you use social me­dia, so do it in the way that makes you feel the best.

You do not have to keep up with anyone else’s comfort level; you are only responsible for yours.

We need to take more ownership over both what we put into the world and what we allow into our own worlds.

Taking stock of your social media consumption might in­clude any of the following:

  • Notice the amount of time you spend on social media. Also take stock of the quality of time spent— whether you’re being active or just passively scrolling.  Most phones and even some apps now include tools to help you keep track of time spent scrolling, opening, engaging.

  • Check your tendencies to keep up with the Joneses. It used to be that you had to keep up with the Jones family who lived down the street. Now, there are a million Joneses we have to keep up with. You need to decide whether that’s important to you. (Most of the time, it isn’t and shouldn’t be.) Trying to be “normal,” like the quote from poet, author and activist Maya Angelou at the start of this article suggests, means you miss out on being the most amazing version of yourself.

  • Consider your social media diet like your food diet. Some people really aren’t com­fortable interacting on social media. That is okay. If that is you, own it!  If you don’t want to follow certain accounts, or certain people trigger you for whatever reasons, unfollow them. This includes hashtags. You can unfollow or mute without deleting or blocking these accounts. Most tools like Facebook give you these tools. Similarly, most of these platforms will serve up search results for you based on what you’ve seen and liked before – they aren’t random.  The more you see things and click on them, the more of those things you’ll see.  If you don’t like what the platforms are showing you, don’t click or engage on them, and keep moving.

  • Train your brain. Set parameters around how much time you allow yourself to spend on social media, and maybe even around the profiles and organizations you follow. Consider sources and be intentional with your time.

  • Take a social media break.  Take a day or a week away from all social media, and notice what happens.  Notice what happens when you’re standing in line at Starbucks and override the tendency to pick up your phone and scroll through Facebook or Tinder.  After a day, or a week, what do you notice when you talk to other people? Or when you walk down the street?  For most of us, we find we didn’t miss out on nearly as much as we might have feared, our anxiety levels drop, we spend more time engaging with other people in a way that is satisfying, and it helps us focus.  Try it.

Next week I’ll share some thoughts on how to consider what you share (or don’t) on social media and how you engage there.

This post is based on content from Honestly Speaking: How the Way We Communicate Transforms Leadership, Love, and Life (Wise Ink Creative Publishing, 2019) available on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

 

Make Committing to Consistency the Core of your Communication Style

One of the greatest inhibitors to successful communications is inconsistency. Especially in the new year, we tend to think the new, shiny objects are better, the fresher ways of doing things yield better results. But when it comes to communication, the more consistent you are, the better off you'll be.

This is one of the most common topics that comes up across my work with individual coaching clients and with leadership teams, because consistency is at the core of effective communication, and the root of making hard conversations much easier.

Why? Because communication in all contexts is ultimately about finding common ground and a mutual, shared understanding. So it’s at least as much about relationship as the words we speak.

Anything worth communicating is worth sharing because you want the other person to know, feel, or do something. Ensuring that they do, in any context, requires that they trust you, and they believe that you mean what you say and you’re as invested in them as they with you. 

Consistency means both in terms of content (what you say) and style (how and when you say it). The more consistent you are, the more trust you build because people know they can rely on you. The more consistent you are, the more people will focus on what you say, rather than be distracted by the many different ways you may say it.

Consistent communication means building a trustful method of communicating that will withstand the test of time.

In your personal life: the style of your communication with the peo­ple you’re closest with (and the people you’re forging new relationships with) should be consistent. When people trust that the person you are in one scenario will be the person you are in another, you’re more than halfway to a healthy pattern of communication.

At work: the people around you should be able to rely on consis­tency in what they hear from you and how they hear it. This builds trust, particularly in our current, global way of doing things. Strategies, approaches, and business itself are con­stantly changing, but if you are constantly changing, people will spend more time trying to figure out how you’re saying something than what you’re saying.

Two pieces of good news for you as a speaker in any context:

First: when you are operating honestly and authentically, being consistent will be easy and organic. You won’t spend tons of time trying to come up with a new for­mat or trying to be witty. When you build a pattern of doing things a certain way, your messages will break through easily.

Second: being consistent will also save you a ton of time and energy when circumstances change. You won’t be worried about reinventing the wheel all the time. You’ll simply be doing what you’re doing in a way people can expect from you.

I’d love to hear what you think. When is consistency the hardest for you? When have you found that being consistent helped navigate a communication challenge?

Feeling Helpless and Outraged in our current political climate? Try This.

We live in historic times — historically hard. Times that challenge us, and times that challenge our sanity. Just when many of us thing we couldn’t become more outraged, we are.

When it feels like the world is coming undone, yet so much is out of our control, what do we do? When it feels like our democracy is at stake but you don’t even know why or how we got here, what do YOU do?

Run away? Meet anger and outrage with more anger and outrage? Contribute to the problem without being the solution? Withdraw and become complacent?

Maybe there’s another way.

When you feel like you don’t know what to do try one of these things:

  • You are a work in progress — each of us is. How do you say something affirmative about yourself, love yourself? Show compassion to yourself. Stop with the self flagellation and self congratulation. Start by respecting yourself and showing compassion toward yourself, faults and all. When we stop performing or blaming and start being, your world shifts.

  • Spend 5 mins finding a Republican Senator you have some connection with. Spend two mins calling her or his office or tweeting them to tell them this isn’t about party but about democracy and our future. www.senate.gov.

  • Say I love you to someone every day. Someone you know intimately, or even if it’s someone next to you in yoga class you just met or a friend who might not expect it. After all, it might be the only time they hear those words today.

  • Once a day for a week, go into the comments in an angry thread on Facebook or in any news article and find something positive and constructive to say — and then say it. Shifting the tide of negativity, divisiveness and victimhood begins with individual moments and actions.

  • Tell someone — or write a post or an article or a tweet about— why democracy matters to you. Tell the world what freedom means to you and what freedoms you enjoy that you might not under another system. Tell a short, affirmative story to yourself and to someone about why democracy matters to you. Collectively shift the narrative from doom and gloom to what’s at stake. When you remind yourself what you’re fighting for, it’s easier to stay motivated and be clear about what to do.

  • Every time you want to run away or move to a commune or withdraw, ask yourself what’s one small thing you can do or say to make your own current situation better? Then take one step toward doing it.

  • Enter every conversation that’s contentious about politics or impeachment with a clear goal. Is it to change someone’s mind? (Secret — you prob won’t be successful). Or is it to come across as thoughtful, reasonable, respectful? Or right? Eventually the example you set will prevail and it will ripple out far beyond you.

  • If you feel like the world is coming apart and you’re pushing harder and harder, ask what you’re pushing against. Is it real or is it something your mind made up? Stop pushing and resisting, and instead ask what can you do to collaborate with it.

  • Every time you vilify or judge someone, every time you want to share a snarky comment somewhere, share and celebrate a snarky video clip of a hero, say something nice to someone in real life. Even try a simple “hello! How are you today?”

  • Every time you want to find fault with one of the candidates for president, whether of their own making or what you think she / he represents, stop — and find that’s common about all of them that you agree with. Debate is good, but it can be constructive for the process and for your own personal relationships. Find less fault, more positive attributes, less vilifying, more unifying.

  • Stop promoting yourself and obsessing about yourself — your personal commentary on everything that happens or your personal connection to it. Perform less and interact more.

  • Resist cancel culture in your own life as much as online: When you ask someone out or make plans with someone and they willingly say yes, and then cancel or flake or simply fall quiet, make plans with someone else and keep them — and show up 100 %. Resist the urge to perpetuate cancel culture with those in your life in real life and be there for those who matter.

And then there are all the things like running for office, volunteering, protesting (which — do those too).

The theme here? These are small things that create small ripples that turn the tide of your own life. Changing the dynamic from echo chamber and victimhood to individual power and protagonist is what we’re after.

Take control over making your own life better and making the lives of those around you better. When you see yourself less as a victim, you can help those who truly are victimized and in need. When you serve others, you serve yourself.