Just Be Direct.
One of the areas I've been working on in my own life (professionally and otherwise) in the last year is being comfortable and confident in speaking my mind.
This doesn't mean blurting out every thought that comes into my mind, especially without regard to who I'm blurting it out to or how it might come across.
What it does mean, though, is being direct.
Have you ever been in a conversation or meeting and someone says what's been on everyone's mind? What was your reaction? Probably some mix of relief and wishing you'd spoken up.
I was talking to a friend earlier this week who's been working on something similar. He's built a successful new business during the pandemic and created a deeply meaningful community of people around him, and he attributes a lot of it to being direct, to speaking his mind, and putting people first.
Being direct is one of the most critical ways we can all improve how we communicate. It's one of the most important ways we can all relate better to each other -- how we put people first, and get out of our own ways. And paradoxically, it's one of the best ways to find a sense of self-confidence in a time when many of us are looking for more of it.
Often when we aren't direct it's usually because of one or two reasons:
Either we haven't quite sorted in our head precisely what we're trying to say. Maybe we're confused, unsure, or speaking just to be heard rather than sharing an idea, specific information, or tangible feedback.
And/OR, usually it's because we have some discomfort with the emotion around how what we say might make the other person feel. Maybe we're indirect because we're scared of hurting someone's feelings or of how they might react.
But I think being indirect really is a disservice to everybody. And it ultimately risks more hurt feelings and alienation than if we'd just been up front from the start.
People -- each of us -- ultimately wants to know where we stand.
When we are indirect, it increases the risk of misunderstanding and confusion. It also increases the distance between me and the other person -- if I am having a hard time being direct, it will definitely seem that way to others, and I will undermine my own credibility and respect with the other person.
When we're indirect, we are making the person on the receiving end of our communication do twice the work: they have to try to discern what we are actually trying to day, they have to manage OUR own obvious emotional discomfort with sharing what we are saying, and they then have to manage their own reaction and feelings. That's not a recipe for a well-balanced personal relationship or an effective business relationship.
When we're indirect, it's also an implicit sign of disrespect: it can come across as though we somehow don't think the other person we're in communication with can handle the truth or what we're saying. And that undermines our relationship and our own credibility and trust.
Be Direct.
The more direct we can be, the more authentic we will be:
The more real and relatable we'll come across to others, and the better foundation of an effective working relationship we'll have -- because we have ultimately built trust and credibility and connection.
The more time we've saved, more efficiency we've enabled.
The more everyone knows where we stand.
The more of a sense of relief and confidence we will have. It's much easier to be direct in the long run because we are not padding our language, holding things back, trying to come across as someone or something we are not.
We can be direct without being rude:
To be direct, put the main point in a sentence or two right at the start of your communication. What is this email about? What is this conversation's main purpose? This requires a bit of self-discipline at the start, and saves you a lot of time in the long run.
And make clear your intentions. Is it to clarify? To share feedback? To simply share how you feel and how you hope others will feel? What is your intent?
Listen fully to the reactions. Listen to learn, not to be right.
The more we can be direct -- to really share what we're thinking -- the more power we find in our own voice, and the more power our voice holds with others. When we speak what's on our minds and in our hearts, it conveys a level of self-confidence AND vulnerability that is inspiring and that people are attracted to.
It also clears up space in our own minds to focus on what really matters, what's most aligned with your priorities, goals, and really who we are as leaders and friends.
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HIGH-IMPACT, INTERACTIVE COMMUNICATIONS WORKSHOPS
Heading into the first half of 2022, I am leading two different communications and leadership workshops for companies globally. Each of these is specially tailored to your organization and is interactive, offered in-person or via ZOOM. They last anywhere from 90 mins to three hours.
I've hosted about 50 of these over the last year, and would love to bring them to your organization.
Leadership Communication at Scale, and Mastering Conflict and Hard Conversations
Leading and Communicating Successfully in a Hybrid (Part Virtual, Part In-Person) Work Environment
Recent praise for our workshops:
"This workshop was AMAZING - thank you so much for bringing it to us. Best 2 hours I've spent in training all year. Efficient, effective and Andrew was incredibly personable and easy to learn from."
"Thank you for training -- we received a really positive response from it and people loved how you made it so relatable."
"This was great. I wish every senior leader in our company would go through this training."
Let me know if you'd like to talk about how we might bring some of these ideas and practices into your own work.