LISTENING: It's a vastly under-developed leadership skill and life skill.
Listening, not just hearing. Listening, with curiosity, with a desire to understand rather than just waiting to deliver your comeback to win an argument....listening without thinking you know the answer, without jumping to conclusions, without relying on your potentially out-dated or irrelevant conclusions, or worse, biases -- unconscious or conscious...is hard, and sorely needed today.
It's a core competency in effective communications. It's a core part of being a more "authentic" and "empathetic" leader. It's fundamental to a functioning political system, a well-functioning company that's not based in bias or where people are too scared to speak up.
Lack of skills listening means you lose out on the chance to learn and understand more, to build a better relationship, to learn more about yourself, and is super inefficient. In a perverse way, it also makes it far more likely people tune you out, especially if you are quick to speak without listening, or you act without adjusting based on new information you might have missed had you listened.
Worse, lack of building listening ability cements some of the most pernicious unconscious bias in the workplace today. There are countless studies that talk about the power of "gendered" listening, where men AND women are more likely to listen to male voices than female voices in professional contexts.
And there are even more studies that talk about the negative effects of interruptions (which only happens if you're not truly listening) at work, again, significantly affecting women and under-represented minorities more.
I'll be writing a lot more about listening in the coming months, since I think it's at the root of effective communications, being a good leader, and a responsible citizen. But for now, three ways you can start practicing better listening:
(1) ATTITUDE SHIFT: Listen to learn, not to be nice. If you're really interested in learning, not just in being nice or being perceived as listening, you'll be a lot better and it will be a lot easier to quiet the agenda-setting, rapid-fire response instinct inside.
(2) ASK: Ask questions. Repeat back what you heard to ensure you understood what you heard. This gets you some clarity, and allows the other person to feel they have been heard.
(3) STOP TALKING: Wait for the person to finish. Less interruptions, more silence, means you have more time and ability to process what you're hearing, come up with an insightful or thoughtful response, and makes it much more likely the other person feels heard and respected. It also sends a signal to others around you that you are open to new ideas and feedback, which makes you a better and more trusted leader.